nitro cutz.

"Halle: a beautiful women known for her great attitude and very high i.q."

             This made my day, honestly. Hearing that my names means beautiful women. Ha.

I wasn't at school today, I had doctors appointments and what not. Which to me was quite annoying and drawn out.

             I'm looking up new hairstyles for my hair length. NOTHING! Way to go. I really would like to find something new to do to my hair. Especially with the upcoming Valentines Day. I would like to look cute for Eric. Mostly different. Different is great, sometimes. Oh, he and I are much much better now. We talked about everyting now we are..well, GREAT!

            Mom and I have spent the evening together. It's nice. She's changed a whole lot since we've been back. I suppose I should understand. Then again I don't. If someone can't love you for who you are then they don't deserve to have you in their life. That's how I see it. We all have our flaws. We all have our weaknesses. We most certainly all have our opinions. Some are louder than others, but we are only human. This being said, my step dad is kinda sorta an ass for making her become what she isn't. The other day was her bestfriends birthday. She took her a 6-pack of beer and gave her a card. When she came home again, she had the biggest smile on her face. I haven't seen her looking that happy in a long time. I guess I could have a lot to do with that. Never being at the house. It's not a home, it's a house. I'm just not comfortable here, anymore. I don't even act like myself around her anymore. She sees a quiet little mystery, not a talkative bouncy girl. Only because my step dad won't get back under my skin. Not again. He's said hurtful things, and there is only so much you can take. I finally put my foot down. It isn't ever going to come up. Never. I hope you've had a lovely day.

Yours Truly, Halle.

here we go again.

"Until the philosophy which holds one race superior and another inferior is finally and permanently discredited and abandoned, everywhere is war and until there are no longer first-class and second-class citizens of any nation, until the color of a man's skin is of no more significance than the color of his eyes. And until the basic human rights are equally guaranteed to all without regard to race, there is war. And until that day, the dream of lasting peace, world citizenship, rule of international morality, will remain but a fleeting illusion to be pursued, but never attained... now everywhere is war."

                                                                                           -Bob Marley

I found this, and it made me smile. Here I am again, blogging my little heart away. No I am not okay. Where do I even begin. One, Eric and I are having problems. His friends are getting between us. I'm trying my hardest to not notice. It's difficult. I just want to spend one night with him to myself. Not too much to ask for, right? On top of that everyone is getting hurt. Be safe. Please. I dreaded yesterday, so much. I didn't know where I was going to be alright or not. Then I recieve a message from my aunt saying that I have to pay taxes on all of the So to me, it was hard listening to a women that went against all of my Neenaw's wishes. To top my week off: I broke my nail off, busted my face open (yes! you heard that right, I'm going to have a black eye), my foot got stuck in between my bed and my bedframe, and now I am most likely going to be stuck at home with my mom all day tomorrow. Not that I am complaining. I love my mom. What I really mean is I can't get out of the house. I feel trapped. Very, very bad. Honestly I kind of feel bad now. All of my whining. I didn't even mention anything that is happy. Just to let you know, I am very happy. :)


Yours Truly, Halle

inspirations.

"marrying a women for her beauty makes no more sense than eating a bird for it's singing but it's a common mistake."

Oh how it's been forever, but one of my teachers had her blog up in class. Which therefor inspired me to blog. Kudos, Mrs. Rappold, kudos. :)

My life has been stressful, exciting, and loving. I've been sort of speechless, though.

Boyfriend--

I didn't notice how overbearing I was getting with Eric. I never noticed how much I spent time with him. Maybe too much time isn't good. Not just yet. Well, it is. It may be something else. He's been down. Which doesn't help me out at all. Not with what I am going through.

School--

Where to begin? It starts at 7:50 and ends at 3:20. Everyday. Yeah, it's getting old. I'm ready for a schedule of my own. My grades are great. My teachers are great. It is just the time that's irritating. Sadly I want to be a teacher. Wonder how that's going to work out whenever I have to go then. Ha. Probably much different, I suppose. I'll be getting paid for something I enjoy.

We've read a few books in A.P. English which I have enjoyed, Cold Mountain and the Things We Carried. Each war books. The Things We Carried was very eye opening. Vietnam War book, which made me feel a connection to my boyfriends dad. Who served in the war. :)

Family--

My mom is happy, thank God. My step dad doesn't bother me, thank God. My niece is so lovely. I wish I was nine again. It was such a fun age. I didn't have any worries. If I did they wouldn't mean anything to me now. I just hope she enjoys it while it last. Brody, has gotten soo big. He is lovely. He can also finally say my name, "Howwwie." Carsen & Cale I don't know where to begin. It scares me how much they look like.

Friends--

My really good friend had a very bad accident, and is in ICU. Pray for him. I've the best friends anyone could have. Seriously. I don't know what I would do without their support. They've helped me through all of life's obsticles this week. I didn't realize how much I needed them. Until the moment I realized that my whole life was about to change. Thank you friends for being spectacular. :)

Thank you once again Mrs. Erin Rappold for inspiring me to blog again. :)

oh lord.

Hello, I'm back.
I've been sitting her procastinating. It seems to be the only thing
I am good at here lately. School starts too soon. I have to finish my books.
I have a feeling I am going to mess things up. Oh well. Everything
happens for a reason. Right?

I'm moving back in with Freddy Crougar, my step-dad, lameee. I hate
the bastard. Oh well though. I'm getting money for living with him.
What a hoax.

I'm going though, ice cream sounds lovely.
Have a lovely dayy. <33

I am fond of the fact that my baby asian reminds me to posts little blogs every once in awhile. Eh, since last time I blogged not too much has changed. Other than the fact my mom and I haven't argued in awhile. Also that my mom has finally come the conclusion that freddy crougar, my step-dad, isn't going to change. Meaning that she isn't going to pressure me into moving back into hell. Certainly the highlight of my day. What makes it's all so interesting is when my neenaw passed away we took in a lot of her things. He called all of it shit, and now the lights she had hanging in her house are in HIS living room. Pisses me off to no end. What a fool. He losts my respect. No more rambling, I'm watching the parent trap. & bed sounds pleasent at the moment! Goodnight. <3

I hate fighting, it seems to be the only thing my mom and I are good for here lately. Help:(

pawn shop.

i do love this boy very much. i'm afraid sometimes i get too over my head. all's well though. i must say. it's quite interesting the curiosity that comes to mind when i think of who reads this. anyone who does must really enjoy pointless information. i certainly will feel your life with it. today was a useless holiday, i didn't see anyone after hell. so therefor i smoked alone. four twenty was a drag. my dad married his fifth wife this weekend. i'm not sure how to feel about it. i want what's best for him but i'm not really sure if this is what's best for him. i surely don't know. he knows more than i. i guess. my mom is trying to persuade me to move back to my step dad's. bluck. i'm truly not feeling it. i can't have a conversation with her without hearing about him. it's honestly upsetting. i truly dislike the man very much. if only she knew. maybe if i told her how i truly felt instead of avoiding the truth it'd make things more clear for her. she doesn't quite understand where i am coming from. which frustrates me. the way i see it if she's happy without him why is she wanting to go back to unhappiness. parents confuse me. make me want to reconsider marriage and having a family with someone. maybe that's what they are there for. to hold back their children. because that's the case with my parents. i'm rambling on again. i'd better go.

happy day of holi.

carnival cruise.

i haven't come and blogged in ages. it's quite irritating i might add. i've been terribly busy between getting sick and school. i'm behind. i don't enjoy it one bit. i have found that time spent with those i love are always enjoyable. they take the stress off of your shoulders. especially the ones that give you no pressure. i've been with eric for awhile now. it's quite thrilling indeed. i definitely rely a lot upon him. i would terribly enjoy a visit to the park. maybe to even climb pinnacle mountain. i think i'm going to talk erin into climbing the mountain this weekend. the top is always the place to be. the wind blows perfectly through your hair and you feel this huge sigh of relief. like you've achieved the biggest thing in the world. when really you've just climbed a big hill. stupid arkansas. we've no true mountains. only mole hills. i've drank a lot of wine with my mom tonight. probably the cause of my rambling on. oh well, if you're reading this you're interested in what i've to say. which is amusing. i think i'm going to go on a diet. i feel the need to get back into shape. i feel like i'm gaining weight even though i'm not. maybe it's because i'm not active like i used to be. i feel like losing ten pounds. i probably shouldn't set my standards so high. i already weigh 103. maybe i should just lose none and gain muscle back? i'm fond of that idea. as long as my tummy is pretty. i don't like it one bit. the other night my mom saw a picture of eric. covered in tattoos & piercings. i don't think she was too happy. oh well. he's a beautiful soul. beauty is the only thing i truly look at. if he covers body in art i'll love him for it. tattoos are only art expressed on the body. so spectacular. i think i'm going on vacation with erin & brandy this summer. and monica. i'm quite excited. we are all going to florida. but i'm not exactly sure what my mom is going to do about monica's trip she has planned. my mom isn't too fond of her. which is terribly stupid. she thinks she's a bad person even though she isn't. oh well. mom's will be moms. my forhead is itching, company is coming. i could write for days about nothing. dang. i think i should probably go. i have to finish homework. i have to finish 60 problems due friday, plus other homework. so rank. have a good evening.

millions of voicing calling for change..

"Don't underestimate the power of people who join together…they can accomplish amazing things," Obama.

beauty lies behind determination. as for the obsticles our nation is amungst we are ready to face them all. we've been told we CAN'T do this. false hope isn't what we are searching for. our hope is determination. we aren't as divided as our nation says. we are one. this is the change we have needed for eight years. one that will not only bring us closer together, but make history.

everything's changed. as for my oppurtunties they have opened greatly. i have gained all hope once again. maybe fairytales will start coming true now. you always hear the grass is much greener on the other side. i believe it's starting to grow beautiful not only on the other side but on our side as well.



have a pleasent evening.

p.s. my lip is pierced now!

field trip.

'Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.'

-robert frost/the road not taken.

after all my trip wasn't a blow, for the first time in my life i cried on my way home. i have a feeling trips to my family's house aren't going to be easy anymore. something about that frightens me to no end. it's so hard not to act reckless, yet so easy to put a mask on like i'm feeling no pain..

i'm home, grr. what a trip. i've been gone for about two weeks. a lot has changed. me mostly, i guess. i miss texas greatly. i spent most of the time with my cousin. ooh how spectacular it was. i met many many great people that have showed me a lot of interesting things. i don't know though. i'm single, again. i feel amazing too. never could be better actually. i'm enjoying time away from everyone. learning new things and respecting myself more. there isn't much to write about. i've been in the car most of my day and smelling very unpleasent smells. waved at many of five oh's. ha. i miss what's in my rearview mirror already.

enjoy niggah.

i am me as you are he and you are me and we are all together.

today was just any ordinary day, me mum and i visited my grandpa. sadly i don't think he is doing to well. it's odd though, we all thought he'd go before my neenaw. i think he's lonely. i should probably visit him more. i make broken promises all of the time, and yet he forgives me. telling him i'll visit more and call more. he says don't worry knowing the truth. i know where this will get me. i don't like the feeling of knowing i could have been much closer to someone and then they pass away.

i'm neither excited nor ready to leave tomorrow. this day has passed slowly, and i've even started counting minutes. i'm dreading the awful drive tomorrow. ugh. i'm definately coming back early. i don't enjoy time away anymore. danny's finally home, it's nice knowing he had a nice trip. hopefully he might be able to come visit for a few. that'd make a swell day i suppose.

i'm thinking of investing in a record player. i love the sound, how it is no so clear, but it's soothing. i don't know though, it mostly depends on the records i find while on my trip. i've been sitting here watching these little birds play, with no worries. don't you miss when you were little and everyone was your friend. nobody was seriously into talking about one another. you could spend time with everyone and nobody was jealous. you all had the same interests, and nobody put you down because you had something different about you. i miss that. then again i don't because you'd never truly know the person you are with. they'd be a mirror image of your actions. i like difference, but i do miss how close we all used to be.

have a pleasent evening.

Curious George.

i've spent the day packing my bags and wondering how this trip is going to end up. going to my dad's for christmas is something i do every year. each time i crave the scent of my own home, and my mom after a few days. i'm going open minded this time. hoping to see my cousin mostly. it's not like an average family gathering. we have the family members that talk strictly about themselves and then the family members that want to know everything about you. we don't have a bond amungst us. just a puppet family you could say.

though this trip is going to be long. not seeing my bestfriend for a while will make it so much more longer. she and i have grown together faster than ever. and you can pretty much say that we've become part of one anothers family. hopefully i'll return in time before school starts so i can spend a little time with her.

i'm very curious as well, in a new relationship over the holidays. i wonder if it'll make things worse, or possibly bring us closer together. who knows i'll cross my fingers and we'll see. i've got nothing to lose.

have a pleasent evening.