I hate fighting, it seems to be the only thing my mom and I are good for here lately. Help:(

pawn shop.

i do love this boy very much. i'm afraid sometimes i get too over my head. all's well though. i must say. it's quite interesting the curiosity that comes to mind when i think of who reads this. anyone who does must really enjoy pointless information. i certainly will feel your life with it. today was a useless holiday, i didn't see anyone after hell. so therefor i smoked alone. four twenty was a drag. my dad married his fifth wife this weekend. i'm not sure how to feel about it. i want what's best for him but i'm not really sure if this is what's best for him. i surely don't know. he knows more than i. i guess. my mom is trying to persuade me to move back to my step dad's. bluck. i'm truly not feeling it. i can't have a conversation with her without hearing about him. it's honestly upsetting. i truly dislike the man very much. if only she knew. maybe if i told her how i truly felt instead of avoiding the truth it'd make things more clear for her. she doesn't quite understand where i am coming from. which frustrates me. the way i see it if she's happy without him why is she wanting to go back to unhappiness. parents confuse me. make me want to reconsider marriage and having a family with someone. maybe that's what they are there for. to hold back their children. because that's the case with my parents. i'm rambling on again. i'd better go.

happy day of holi.

carnival cruise.

i haven't come and blogged in ages. it's quite irritating i might add. i've been terribly busy between getting sick and school. i'm behind. i don't enjoy it one bit. i have found that time spent with those i love are always enjoyable. they take the stress off of your shoulders. especially the ones that give you no pressure. i've been with eric for awhile now. it's quite thrilling indeed. i definitely rely a lot upon him. i would terribly enjoy a visit to the park. maybe to even climb pinnacle mountain. i think i'm going to talk erin into climbing the mountain this weekend. the top is always the place to be. the wind blows perfectly through your hair and you feel this huge sigh of relief. like you've achieved the biggest thing in the world. when really you've just climbed a big hill. stupid arkansas. we've no true mountains. only mole hills. i've drank a lot of wine with my mom tonight. probably the cause of my rambling on. oh well, if you're reading this you're interested in what i've to say. which is amusing. i think i'm going to go on a diet. i feel the need to get back into shape. i feel like i'm gaining weight even though i'm not. maybe it's because i'm not active like i used to be. i feel like losing ten pounds. i probably shouldn't set my standards so high. i already weigh 103. maybe i should just lose none and gain muscle back? i'm fond of that idea. as long as my tummy is pretty. i don't like it one bit. the other night my mom saw a picture of eric. covered in tattoos & piercings. i don't think she was too happy. oh well. he's a beautiful soul. beauty is the only thing i truly look at. if he covers body in art i'll love him for it. tattoos are only art expressed on the body. so spectacular. i think i'm going on vacation with erin & brandy this summer. and monica. i'm quite excited. we are all going to florida. but i'm not exactly sure what my mom is going to do about monica's trip she has planned. my mom isn't too fond of her. which is terribly stupid. she thinks she's a bad person even though she isn't. oh well. mom's will be moms. my forhead is itching, company is coming. i could write for days about nothing. dang. i think i should probably go. i have to finish homework. i have to finish 60 problems due friday, plus other homework. so rank. have a good evening.